I am not a girl, I am a storm with skin ...

unknown

i'm just gonna let them fall today..and know it will all be okay.
even if its not right now someday it will be

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” 
― Anaïs Nin

Breaking Free.....

today my mind won't stop thinking...it hasn't gone at such a fast pace in a very long time.
I don't like this feeling at all. I feel like I am hanging on the edge of a cliff, dangling... watching my finale
My anxiety is through the roof and I feel my PTSD today. I was having bad torturous dreams all night and I actually woke up in tears from all of it.

why won't the mind ever completely heal....
there seem to be certain triggers that can cause the brain to spiral out of  control...
its different than healing your heart....

Would you walk in the heat of the sun with me... Chase me through the forest until we reach the beach... Fall to the sand with me and sweep me off my feet... Carry me to the ocean. Snorkel with me and hold my hand as we imagine mermaids.

Would you come home from work and help me do laundry... And give me little teasing touches as we make dinner together... Hold my hand as I deal with the difficulties of parenting and set financial goals together... challenge me, push me to reach my goals and focus on my strengths..

Would you shop with me for items for the holidays and day to day...help wrap gifts and make cookies for Santa and blow out the candles before we go to bed..


Would you try to make the best out of our difficult times and go the extra mile ... Carry me when I'm too weak to walk until my legs work again.... Wipe my tears during times of grieve and wipe my joyful tears in times of great joy...

Would you thrill me and make me feel like I'm perfect even though I'm insanely flawed and a tangled mess...lift me off the ground and toss me around playfully ....

Would you travel to the unknown with me in the thoughts of our imagination..enter never never land and fly over the trees as we will never grow up...and listen to music so loud eventually hear aids will be need to just whisper in your lovely ear...

Would you be by my side as morality knocks and appreciate each new gray hair I get and all the wrinkles I have knowing each line I could tell a story with as my body goes south...I no longer look like the one you fell in love with.

Would you...???
 Because I would for you...

I would  tow the line..

I sat on the bus today as I was on my way to Epcot at Disney World... There was this couple, a married man and woman. Sitting silently, peacefully together yet closely connected, shoulder to shoulder and leg to leg. She was looking down and playing with her sleeves. She looked so sweet in her white cardigan, navy blue and white striped dress and her pearl earrings.   She began to take off her Disney bracelet. She wanted to wear it on the other arm (it was bumping against her watch).
As she went to put it on her other wrist her husband looked over and gently helped her with it because she couldn't do it one handed. He placed his water down and put her wrist on his lap.  Just the way he held her hand seemed to have such a strong loving male presence and I was captivated within those few seconds. I was yearning for something, something like that, yes.
It was so sweet to watch that silent interaction and understanding of two people knowing what the other needs.

I can only hope to have something like that some day.

What a dream.

I couldn't put it into my own word's so I found somebody else's- here it is.....

I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. But I’ve finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it and I don’t have to fix it. I’m not broken.
—Glennon Doyle Melton’s Lessons from the Mental Hospital Ted Talk 

Sometimes------

Sometimes I want to be somebody else somewhere else and somewhere else somebody else. 

Sometimes I want to undo this life I was born into. 

Sometimes I'm unbelievably thankful for all the cut's in my heart, the attempts I've made yet failed and flaws on my body.
The raw imperfect's of my being

I bask here..and watch my thoughts play out.

There is a hope deep with in, that I just can't completely touch

because

it burns so bright and feel's so good it's

absolutely frightening.